I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
