Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
