toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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