I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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