How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
