just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
