I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
