I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
