Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
