its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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