I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
