I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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