Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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