you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
