Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
