You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
