at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
