yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we made out on top of his cat.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
