I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
