I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so explain again why im purple
no
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
