i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
