This is not my ceiling
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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