talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
