dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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