you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize