I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
