im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
