Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
