so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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