none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
