There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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