Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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