He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
