So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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