I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
