I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
