His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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