She is in my trunk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
