First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its liver damage thursday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize