As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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