I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
