I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
