Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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