I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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