if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
