I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Boobs speak an international language.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
