once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
