Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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