My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
