we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why is your signature on my underwear?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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