And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
