I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drake has all the answers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
