A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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