Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
