we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
