Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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