Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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