the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize