i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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