you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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