my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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