I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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