i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
