I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize