I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have demons in me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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