need another drink. this is the easiest way
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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