Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
