Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
