Yo dont text me then not text me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
