Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize