If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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