you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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