Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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