My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
