We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The beer is more important than you right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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