where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
