she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
