it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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