dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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