so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
