Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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