i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm like, not good at living.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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