theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
