Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
