im six kinds of drunk right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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