pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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