i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
