after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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