I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
