You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize