and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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