You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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