I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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