I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
