He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize