and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
