I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
