PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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