I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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