just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You smell like stripper and shame
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
