they need to just BURY HIM!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And then he peed in my hair
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