Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Pooping to opera.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
