So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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